


The World’s Strictest Parents

by GrowingTheEmpire



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: AU, Brentrick is past but cute, Fluff, I’ve been watching british trash television, M/M, So sue me, The World’s Strictest Parents, i thought wouldn’t it be cute if one of the couples fell in love?, then I thought about my boys.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:01:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2908607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrowingTheEmpire/pseuds/GrowingTheEmpire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Around the world many parents raise their kids on a diet of strict discipline, rigid boundaries, and immediate consequences. But can traditional parenting change the lives of rebellious teenagers? To find out, two teens who’ve never met before leave their families behind and head off to the far corners of the world where they will live according to strict rules imposed by new parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**The World** **’s Strictest Parents.**

_The World’s Strictest Parents take two unruly and disobedient teenagers and ships them abroad to experience a different way of parenting. Two teenagers, Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump are being sent to live in the Burnion family where they will learn to behave and just maybe get their life together._

_._

_The typical day for Pete starts by waking up at a friend’s house, after a big night out. He then might goes to school hungover and tired, or sometimes skipping school altogether . He might not come home for the night, going straight to his band’s practice or a party. His grades are low as are his aspirations._

_._

_“Patrick dropped out of school. All of a sudden. We didn’t know what to do, we couldn’t get him physically to go to school. He wouldn’t go. He wasn’t a bad student, or anything. He sometimes drinks, but he shuts himself up in his room. We don’t know what to do. There’s no way to talk to him. If he doesn’t want to talk about something then there is nothing you can do to get him to talk. He won’t eat and he’ll just sleep all day. He leaves in the middle of the night and we don’t know where he goes!  You don’t know the feeling,  you are just so helpless. Its our fault he turned out this way…”_

_._

Patrick arrives at the airport, waiting with the creepy cameraman to be told where he has to go with the other teen. He can’t believe his mom would do something so backwards. Who the fuck sends their kid _away_ to get their shit together? How is spending a week and making sandwiches gonna making him better? He looks at his small bag and he knows he didn’t pack enough for a week. He packed one outfit and his record player with about five records placed carefully in between articles of clothing. He clutches his bag and tries to forget he isn’t in his room and isn’t alone and is being filmed. 

“Hey, kid. We have to start walking.” The cameraman says. 

Patrick nods and gets up. They walk over together to the other kid and his matching cameraman. The men want them to talk.  Patrick goes in for a handshake, Pete goes in for a hug. 

….

"This kid is quiet. Extremely quiet. That’s a bad sign. Like me, you know I’m loud and annoying. I’m here cause I bother the fuck outta my mom and I party a lot. I don’t come home and I don’t listen. You know the type. The type of kids that get sent to things like this are kids like me. Patrick… He’s quiet and shy and nervous and his fingernails are nubs. He’s beautiful though… He’s got these eyes.. But he scares me.” 

…..

The other teenager that is being subjected to this hell is named Pete Wentz. Patrick doesn’t know how to talk or converse with him. Pete doesn’t really seem to notice. He continues to talk and talk, all the way to the gate to boarding the plane. Patrick nods, and nods. 

“Where are we going?” Patrick asks, finally says something. 

Pete is startled. “Huh?”

“Where. Are. We. Going?” Patrick asks slowly.

“I don’t know. Somewhere in New Mexico. Maybe Oklahoma?” 

Patrick nods and goes back to leaning against the window. He falls asleep. 

“And once, man, once I saw this girl with her shoulder pierced and I was just like, wait, are you even awake?-“

…..

“Wake up.” 

“Wake up”

“Wake up.”

Patrick hears it all. He would rather not see Pete’s face and have to get off this plane and have to live somewhere else. So his eyes stay shut. 

Pete shakes Patrick. 

“Stop.” Patrick whispers. 

“I wish I could, but we have reached our destination.”

Patrick cracked his eyes open. Everything is the same. Except- “Pete, did you even sleep?” 

Pause. “No.”

“Get your shit. C’mon.” Creepy cameraman says. 

Pete pulls Patrick bag down for him. 

…..

“I pulled Patrick’s bag down for him. It was bulky and I asked him what was in it. He asked me if I really wanted to know. I thought that it was, knives or perhaps a small dead animal or something freaky. He leaned in and said something really quietly. I didn’t hear what he said. I just nodded.”

. ….

“I know that he didn’t hear me. It was just my record player. And I didn’t appreciate the way he handled my stuff. Freak him out a little.” Patrick smiles shyly away from the camera.

.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Apparently it’s a long drive from Oklahoma City to some ranch deep in the mountains. Patrick is so screwed. And uncomfortable. Because while Pete didn’t sleep in the airplane, he doesn’t seem to have any reserves from sleeping right on top of Patrick in the car. At least there aren’t any cameras in here. Patrick tries to remember what he did to piss off his parents. 

Eventually they get to this far flung destination. 

A poster family stands out by their mailbox and wave to the car as it approaches. Blonde wife, overweight father with two bright eyed kids. Patrick groans. 

“What?” Pete askes, shifting in Patrick’s lap. 

“Doesn’t take much to get you up, does it?” Patrick asks. “We are here though. So it’s not a bad thing you’re awake.” 

“Oh well, thanks.” Pete says, trying to fix his hair. 

….

They seem nice. Too nice. They smile too much as the show the boys to their humble mansion. Patrick sees Pete gag as they pass a wall with crosses on it. 

Patrick’s room is huge. Too huge. Apparently these folks got rich off of oil wells off their land. There is an acoustic guitar stuck in that back of his closet and it sparked his interest. Testing out one string and it’s so out of tune he thinks he couldn’t fix it even with a tuner on hand. 

Pete’s room is down the hall and he already ‘accidentally’ broke a vase. Who would put a vase in a kids room anyways? Patrick isn’t pleased that he doesn’t have one to break as well.

He plugs his record player in the closet and stacks his records there. It’s not like he needs it for clothes or the such. Plus, he likes a nice space. He might sleep in here tonight. 

The woman calls them down. Hands them a list.  

“Now we expect you to follow these rules, to every detail and we will go through your stuff to make sure that you don’t have anything that we don’t think is suitable for young men like yourselves. I’m sure you don’t have anything, obviously.”

The list was short. 

**-Follow the Bible.**

“Um, I’m not Christian.” Pete says, raising his eyebrows. Patrick has to suppress laughter. Shocker, right? 

The man’s shady unfaltering smile falls.  “We expect you to follow the rules of the house.”

“What are the punishments?” 

The smile is back. “Extremely hard chores. We have stables, you see. I think you wouldn’t like cleaning stalls now would you? Also, we can restrict food, we’ll make sure you’re say is extremely unpleasant.”

No food? Easy. Patrick just wouldn’t want to do labor work. He crosses his arms over his chest. 

Pete sits back in his chair. 

“Now, we would like to search your stuff for things we don’t think comply with our rules.” 

Patrick follows the woman into his room. She gasps when she sees his empty bag. 

“I didn’t bring that much.”

“I see.” She bites her lip and gets red lipstick on her teeth. “Have you hidden anything in the room?”

“No ma’am.”

She goes straight for the closet. “What is this?” 

“A record player ma’am.” _Oh no. I didn’t bring cigarettes or booze or anything that I could have. I just brought what I need and I need that I need my music I need-_

“I don’t think I approve of this music.” _She has all my records oh god she need to die_. “I will take them. I also don’t appreciate the fact that you didn’t tell me you brought this.”

Pete and that man are fighting and Patrick can hear them screaming. Over clothing or something dumb like that. The broken vase is brought up. Pete brought booze and cigarettes. He tried to hide them. Smooth. They finally leave the boys at peace in the room. Pete visits Patrick, poking through his empty suitcase. 

“What’d they take of yours?” Pete asks.

“My everything.”

“You had stuff?” Pete asks, head perking up like a retriever. 

“A damn record player. And it’s gone. I didn’t even pack clothing.” 

They sat together in silence. “We need to break the rules. Ask them for a detailed list of what doesn’t fly and break every single one of them.” 

. ..

**\- Cigarettes, alcohol or any drugs of any kind are not permitted.**

**\- Any flamboyant or attention seeking clothing.**

**-Stealing**

**-Swearing in the house.**

**-Being disrespectful**

**-Having sex in the house**

**-Insulting this great country.**

**-Having homosexual tendencies.**

**-Lying if any kind in the house**

**-Taking the Lord** **’s name in vain**

**-Anything else we deem disrespectful to the Lord or us**

**-Abusing your privileges**

 ….

”We just want you to live in a godly way under our roof.” The old man said. 

“Why, thank you for this list. I am really appreciative.” Patrick said. With a real smile. 

…..

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Having homosexual tendencies?!?!” Oh my god, this is just fantastic! Can I hang this up in my room? Do you think a t-shirt with a rainbow middle finger is , ahem, attention seeking and, or,  _flamboyant?_ ” Pete asks. It’s roughly one in the morning and the camera crew is out sleeping in their van and Pete is in Patrick’s bed. Patrick would rather be in his closet with his empty record player and the beat up guitar. He doesn’t want Pete to know his hiding place, so he can’t go yet. 

“Do you want to know the best part? They didn’t even take all my stuff. I still have lights and I still have some drinks and I still have pills. The idiots didn’t think to look in my private bathroom. I knew what those folks like to do. So I hid them. Do you want any stuff?” Pete whispers to Patrick, even though the couple are on the second floor and the kids were in the other wing. 

“What drinks do you have?” Patrick whispers back. 

“Hotel minis. But enough of them.” 

…. 

“What do you do when” Pete starts laughing. “When you sneak out of the house, you don’t seem like a party person.” 

“Do you really want to know?” Patrick giggles. 

“Yeah!”

“I spray paint. All around the city. Make the streets colorful and make it my own.” 

“That is. That is so fucking cool.” Pete crawls closer to Patrick. “Aannnd you’re lying.”

Patrick starts laughing harder. “Can you see me drawing or painting or anything like that? But..” 

“But what?” 

“But you believed me.” 

“So what?” Pete twisted the small cap of the tiny Jack Daniels. 

“So nothing. I thought it was funny.”

“But what do you do when you sneak out?” 

“Pete, you should probably go back to your own room. Save those minis and your homosexual tendencies for in front of the family.” 

Pete wraps his arms around Patrick. “You’re no fun.” He whispers in his ear. 

“If you don’t leave, I’ll give you a bloody nose. Trust me.”  

….

“It’s time to wake up Patrick! Time to wake up! Big day ahead of us… Full of charity work and life fulfillment. Get up!” One of the children chimed as they ran across his room. Oh god, it was before noon. 

“Yeah, how about no.” Patrick croaks out. 

The kids have already left his room and onto Pete’s room. Cue the children screaming and freaking out. 

Patrick shoots up, and out of his room. “What’s the issue, why are you guys scre-“ 

Pete’s bed is empty and perfectly made. 

“He’s out! Why did he go? Do you know?” The mom is asking. 

“Uh, not sure.”

“What were you two doing last night?” The father is asking.

“What?” 

“His shoes are in your room.” _Damn it Pete. Link me to your disappearances and not leave me any explanation_. The cameramen are eating this up, interviewing the kids and everything.  _He would tell me something, though, wouldn_ _’t he?_ Pete’s like that. Theatrical and loves to play games. The center of attention. Patrick goes back and searches his bed. A small note written on the ripped off label of a teeny Jack Daniels is found tucked into his record player in the closet. 

**_Went off to go get you some records, you baby. If you guys wake up before ten I’m screwed. We are in the middle of the mountains and if I can’t remember where that records store was in Oklahoma City, we are royally screwed. Stole money for a cab so one rule off the list. XOXO_ **

Damn him.

Patrick spots him walking through the bushes and Patrick runs over to the window and bangs on it frantically. Pete notices him and his eyes grow large. 

Patrick opens the window and Pete climbs in. 

“Where are they?” He says setting a plastic bag on Patrick’s bed.

“Oh my god, are you out of you mind?”

“Where are they?” Pete demands. 

“Upstairs looking for you.” Patrick says, slightly opening the bag. “Why Adele?”

“Figured everybody likes Adele. Plus she was on sale.” Pete shrugged and stepped back out of the window. 

“What are you doing?”

“Did I leave my lighter in that bag?” 

“Uh, yeah why?” 

“Give it to me.” Patrick hands him the deep blue lighter and Pete lights a cigarette and winks. “See you soon.” 

 Patrick closes the window and goes to put pants on. 

… 


	4. Chapter 4

“Holy fuck! Why is everybody so upset that I left to go smoke this morning?” Pete asked for the third time in that hour. They were getting lectured, for all the rules Pete broke this morning. Thank god that they didn’t know the real truth. Patrick thinks to the Adele album that’s shoved under his mattress. Why would Pete do that? When did he leave?

Patrick assumes he won’t have time to ask questions till the shifty eyed cameramen go to sleep in their dingy van tonight and leave the pair alone. 

“It’s not that you did it, but you broke our trust by saying you didn’t have cigarettes when you did. And that just isn’t godly now is it?” Pops said, staring at Pete with a gruesome smile. Pete didn’t even flinch. Patrick is so uncomfortable. His parents don’t do this, don’t force situations upon him. He can hide, and right now Patrick can only think of the hidden album that he desperately doesn’t want taken away. Pete’s hand slips into his and he doesn’t pull back because that would show the parents that they are divided.  _We are a united front, so suck my dick._

At first, of course, they don’t notice it. Pete nods and smiles and tells them that he doesn’t have anymore cigarettes. The children are watching though. Patrick sees a face poke around the door and her eyes go straight to their linked hands. Her eyes widen in surprise and some hands yank her back. “We don’t believe you anymore, Pete. You came in here with a clean slate and you ruined it. We have to check your room again, and Patrick that applies to you too.”

 

Shit. 

 

The father comes with Patrick this time, and checks everything again. He raises his eyebrows at his record player shoved in the back. “A music lover, eh?”” Patrick nods and shifts to the bed, hoping he can block the father from going their next. “My wife made me throw out all the old vinyls I had. Sad day, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m sorry she took ‘em away, son.” He smiles disgustingly and Patrick looks away. He so does not want to ‘bond’  with this man. The old fart sits on Patrick’s bed, and Patrick prays to God that he didn’t just split Adele. Please, please.

He hears the old lady flushing pills down the toilet.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The cameramen always know when they have good shit. They love it when they find the really disobedient kids, and Pete was on his good behavior right now, considering what he got away with at home. Thats only because he doesn’t have friends here, though. Except Patrick, but something still irked him about Patrick. What did Patrick do to get his ass here in the middle of nowhere. So in the middle of nowhere that it took thirty minutes of convincing to get a cab to come get him, and even then he had to walk five miles out into a thing they call ‘the town’. It basically consisted of a gas station, two local restaurants and a a small as shit library. Quaint. It was a good thing he grabbed to Benjamin Franklins though. 

…..

_I really think we are starting to get through to the two of them. Well, Pete. I don_ _’t know what Patrick’s problem is. He is just so… Personal and that just isn’t right for a teenage boy to be, you know?_

_….._

“Okay!” The father said getting out of Patrick’s room. Patrick couldn’t bring himself to close the door behind him, that would just be… Rude. “We are going on a family walk, just a brisk on outside around the property. Get some fresh air, and get you out of that city life mindset and into Oklahoma life mindset!” He clapped his hands and Patrick could hear Pete groaning. Something about dying. 

“Oh, shut up. It won’t be that bad. Plus, I didn’t think you were going to be so.. Antiathletic. I didn’t take you for a track star or anything but..” Patrick said. Pete didn’t look too unable, like Patrick was. He didn’t have an athletic bone in his body, while these people… They were the typical ‘Dad did football in high school and Mom still does Pilates’ family dynamic. 

“I like watching sports, believe me. It’s just doing them. That’s the thing.” Pete said. “I used to play soccer once upon a time.” 

“Oh yeah?”

“You used to play anything?” 

“No. Unless you count playing piano…” 

Pete laughs. “No I don’t.”

One of the sisters call after them, the family is leaving the house. It’s not too hot or cold out right now, and Patrick can’t lie, the property  _is_ beautiful. Patrick and Pete lag a little, and Patrick can’t help but think Pete’s doing it for his benefit, but whatever. 

“Catch up lovebirds!” A brother yells.

“Derek!” The mom scolds breathily, she’s leading everybody.

“You didn’t see them holding hands?” A sister giggles. Pete smiles widely. 

“Oh, Oh My God! Why would you even say that Ellie?!” Patrick yells, laughing a bit. 

“Patrick!” The mom continues. “Don’t take the lords name in vain. And Ellie, they are not lovebirds they are brothers under God.”

This. This was what life in worth living for. And there is a teeny tiny part in Pete that wishes that it were real. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Dinner here was unlike anything Patrick knew. Dinner is him picking up a plate and eating it in his room quietly, without distraction. Dinner at this family's house is chaos, the mother running around complaining about how the father's parents are going to be here soon, and the kids playing some kind of board game in the living room.

At one point the mother asks for Pete and him to set the table together.

As Patrick washes down an already clean mahogany table, Pete wraps his arms around Patrick. "This dinner is going to entertaining as hell.." Pete whispers and Patrick bites back a laugh. 

"Really lay on about how much you  _absolutely_   can't stand America and it's fascist ways." Patrick says, swerving around and evading Pete's hands. He grabs silverware and makes sure to touch the tops of the forks as he lays them down. 

"Make sure to insult Reagan, they will hate that." Pete says, folding napkins haphazardly. "Hey Mama! What's for dinner?" He shouts. 

"It's steaks! From cow's that we raised here on our farm, it's a very special dinner." She says eyeing Pete and Patrick, probably calculating whether or not the distance between their bodies should be classified as gay or not. 

"You can't serve me that! I'm vegetarian!" Pete says/shouts and the camera man practically falls out of his seat trying to stand up and get the action. 

"Nonsense, why are you vegetarian?" The mother asks, and Patrick can pick out a little flash of a grin the corner of Pete's mouth. 

"Meat industry is slaughter! You raised those cows yourself, you should know that you shouldn't eat animals like that!" Pete said. "What if I wanted to eat your little Chihuahua dog! It's the same thing- I won't eat this, no I won't, I can't accept this." 

Pete was playing it up, and the creepy cameraman was focused on the bright red face of the mother. She struggled to form words, her perfectly manicured fingers tapping on the counter. Pete and her were in a staredown. 

Patrick leaned back in his seat and enjoyed the momentary silence. 

The doorbell rang. 

*

The Burnion grandparents were two old sour raisins, and the stereotypical mean old people. The grandpa probably told kids to get off his lawn, and the grandmother definitely yelled at a Walmart cashier when she wouldn't accept her expired coupons.   

"Sooo... Who are these young fellers...?" The grandma asked nobody in particular. Patrick and Pete exchanged glances and said nothing. Everybody looked around and the father dropped his fork. "Samuel- pick up that please." The grandma snapped. "Somebody answer me!" 

The cameraman ate his peas slowly and whispered something.

"Speak up boy!" 

Patrick felt Pete's hand slip into his slowly. Patrick gave a reassuring squeeze. Time passed very slowly. 

"It's a t.v. show, ma'am." The cameraman said. "Two unruly teenagers go across America and get a taste of different parenting.."

"Ah." The grandfather said. 

"I hate Reagan." Pete blurted out. 

_Shit._

*

"We need to discuss your, um, behavior, at tonight's dinner, boys." The father said after his horrible parents left and called a 'family meeting". The two other children were sent to bed and Pete and Patrick exchange shaky glances. They called another cameraman, so now two fat men with beards hover over them, every now and again they mumble between themselves that it is going to be "the best episode ever". 

"You made fools of us for starters." The mother said. 

"We aren't very far off then, are we?" Patrick said under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

"I said," Patrick said a little louder, his cheeks getting a little redder, "That we aren't very far off are we?" 

The father banged his hands on the table. Patrick flinched right into Pete's shoulder and the cameramen moved in closer. 

"Samuel!"

"Now, Patrick- I expected this from Pete, but from you? That was so disrespectful!" The father said. "This just isn't Godly!" He stammered, and he looked at Patrick and Pete together. 

He looked at his wife, and they both nodded. "We are going to move your rooms farther apart, and lock you both in tonight, I don't want any outside smoke breaks-"

"I can't do that because you stole my cigarettes." 

"Well- we are cracking down on both of you. And we have assigned a little homework for both of you We want you to write an essay" He pulled out two notebooks and two pencils and pushed them towards the boys, "and we want you to write and essay about how discuss how disrespectful you were tonight- and how it can relate to how you were at home. Then you will write about how you should be here and how it relates to how it should be at home."

Patrick relaxes and takes the pencil and paper and goes to his room. He doesn't bother to turn on the lights and he sits in there, waiting for Pete to come in or the door to be locked. The door locks in what seems like two hours and the lights outside his door flick off. 

He crawls off his bed and lifts it- bringing the Adele vinyl and opens his record player, and he spins the first track. 

**

" _This is probably going to be a lot harder than we thought"_

** 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Pete comes for him at approximately 3 in the morning via window. Patrick laughs as Pete taps on the window and watches Patrick not opening it for him. Pete flips him off and Patrick just lays there, listening to soft Adele float through the room. Pete sits outside the window and Patrick decides to give mercy and open it for him. 

Pete comes in, lights a cigarette and sits on Patrick's bed. He hands one to Patrick.  _I have never smoked before in my life, and I'm pretty sure this is a fantastic time to try._ Pete lights it for him and Patrick laughs as he sticks it in his mouth, inhales, and starts to cough. 

"Woah, have you never smoked before?" Pete asks, and Patrick nods.  He lays down next to Patrick and slowly takes his free hand and touches Patrick's back hesitantly. Patrick relaxes, and tries to inhale some more smoke. 

"So you never smoke, you never sneak out, and you are polite. You drink some, but what teenager doesn't? You don't have any tattoos and you didn't bring anything with you and you really aren't seeming like a troubled kid like I seem like one. Why the fuck are you here, even?" Pete says, very conversational and easy. Patrick sighs. 

"All in good time." Patrick thinks for a moment. "I have a question for you though." Patrick says quietly. "Why did you say you were vegetarian when I specifically saw you eating pepperoni pizza at the airport?" 

Pete laughs. "Just to piss her off."

Patrick laughs and starts coughing. He goes to the window and snubs out the cigarette on the windowsill. "That ain't for me."

"Hey, watch your mouth young man- ain't is a word for sinners!" Pete says, and they both crack up. 

Patrick goes and lays down with Pete, who finished his cigarette and snubbed it on his fancy bedside lamp. Patrick goes and lays down with Pete, and Pete starts touching Patrick again, mostly just running his hands up and down Patrick, touching his hair, feeling his sides. 

"Do you like boys, 'Trick?" 

"Yes."

"Do you like me?"

"Yes." 

"Would you kiss me if I asked?"

Patrick turned around, and saw Pete's shy eyes looking at him. Something deep in Patrick's heart clenches. He leaned in perfectly-and Pete leaned in, and their lips met chastely. Pete's hand was on Patrick's cheek as Patrick pulled back, and they smiled and laughed at each other.

This kiss wasn't meant to piss anybody off, wasn't meant to make a statement. This kiss- was something they had for just the two of them. 

Pete thought about all his bragging about all the chicks he banged, and the hot people he made out with and told all his buddies. He couldn't brag about Patrick- Patrick was something only he had, only he knew about. Pete figures he is selfish, because he wants to keep it that way. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys- I'm really really into writing fics for people, and totally willing to co-write somethings with people. please please please check out my blog on tumblr http://hesitantslaylien.tumblr.com/ and talk to me if you want.


	8. Chapter 8

"Can I stay?" Pete asked, going back and forth on the idea himself. It would be nice to stay, he might actually get some sleep and today was tiring. They would have to deal with whatever the parents did in the morning, but they were going to have to deal with it anyways. Patrick thought silently, eyebrows furrowed. 

"I suppose. I hope you don't hog blankets." Patrick said and Pete's face split into a goofy grin. 

"Can I kiss you again?" Pete asked, Patrick adjusting in bed. The Adele record stopped playing and Patrick turned off the lamp. 

"Hmm. I don't know. I think I'm being generous, by letting you in my bed at such a scandalous hour." Patrick said, and Pete laughed. 

"Oh yeah.. God, I am so corrupting. Was I your first kiss, Pattycakes?" Pete asked. 

Patrick threw his head back and laughed. "Do I really look that innocent? I mean, you probably bang chicks all the time. I may not be up to that level, but I'm not a virgin and you're certainly not my first kiss.." 

"Ouch. You're pretty touchy about this, I'm sensing. Does it have any reason why you're here? Maybe it's because you're bringing girls home and banging them on the couch.." Pete said, touching nerves but continuing. "Maybe it's a boy, Patrick, do you have a boyfriend at home?"

Patrick thought about home, thought about Brendon at home, something and someone Pete doesn't know about. "No." Patrick said glumly, turning away from Pete. 

"Awhh, Patrick don't be like this, let me kiss your neck, I'm sorry, Patrick," Pete said, moving toward Patrick. He pressed a flurry of kisses to Patrick's neck, and Patrick held out his hand to block him.  "Oh, okay." Pete said. He stopped. Pete was quiet after that, and a couple minutes later Patrick heard a long sigh, and felt arms curl around him. Pete hasn't earned tragic backstory yet. Patrick won't tell him about Brendon. Patrick has no idea what he is going to do when they get home. 

*

Patrick first saw Brendon on a Friday, right before school was gong out two years ago. Patrick had lefted class early that day, one of the days he actually went, feigned illness and tried to book it home before it started to rain. Brendon was sitting on the hood of his car in the massive parking lot, smoking by himself. Patrick didn't really want to waste his time talking to him, but then his gaze drifted down to Brendon's lips. They were quirky and pretty, and Patrick was attracted, to say the least. Maybe if they talked for awhile, Patrick could score his number. Patrick had never had an actual girlfriend or boyfriend before, but it wouldn't be that hard to get, would it? 

"He-ey." Brendon said, slightly alarmed at a random boy just.... staring at him. 

"I'm sorry, I just,"

"Liked what you saw?" Brendon said, and Patrick immediatly blushed. 

"I guess." Patrick said walking closer to Brendon. "That's a pretty shitty car you got there." Patrick doesn't know why he said it, but it stuck out. The whole backside of the car was crumpled, and one of the windows was busted out and smoebody had taken garbage bag and duct taped it on. 

"That's some pretty shitty manners you have there." Brendon said still smiling. He glanced back lovingly at the car. "I paid for her myself. Better than sharing a car with my brothers." Patrick nodded like that was something he got, but his older brother moved out a couple years ago and was married and had a kid. Patrick never really had to share anything with him. 

Patrick glanced up at the rapidly greying sky. "It's about to rain."

"That's true." Brendon said. "Would you accept a ride home? Even in a car as shitty as mine?" 

"Why would you want to drive me home? You don't even know who I am."

"That's also true. Also I don't know where your house is. It could be long way out of my way and I'm kinda broke with gas money. But.." Brendon trailed off, finishing his cigarette and snubbing it in the ground. 

Patrick really liked where this was going. "....But?" 

"But- you're cute. Let me drive you home." Patrick smiled and walked into a deathtrap car, with a deathtrap boy. 

*

Pete awoke to Patrick on top of him, shaking his shoulders. "WHAt arE YOU-"

"Shhh!" Patrick motioned. "Why don't we give them a surprise this morning?"  Patrick whispered. 

It was too early to funtion without caffiene, but suddenly Patrick's lips were on his, and his eyes snapped open. 

"Getupgetupgetupgetupgetupgetup." Patrick said yanking Pete's arms. 

"Okayokayokay" 

Pete got up and tried to smooth his hair down while Patrick paced around the room. 

"We should pretend to have sex."

Pete did a double take. "What?" 

"It's on the list, right? Sex in the house AND homosexual tendencies." 

Pete nodded and thought game plan for a moment. "Wait till we hear movement. Then we get into action."

*

So they sat at the door, ears against the wood to hear anything that might be the father's fat waddle or one of the children's frantic shuffle. 

Then they heard their cue. The mom tiptoeing down to turn on the coffee machine and wake up her children. It was an hour before they were supposed to wake up, but the boy had to go to some early morning track meet or something. THe mom was slowly walking past their door when, "Ooh, Patrick," Pete said and Patrick bit his lip to keep from laughing. 

They smiled into a purposefully wet and loud kiss, when they heard the mom's foot prints stop dead. Pete slammed Patrick against the door and they heard the mom gasp. 

Pete opened his mouth and in the manliest voice he could muster, he said, "Fuck me, Patrick, fuck me," Pete said lower, "Hard." 

Patrick started to slam himself into the door over and over and moaning outrageously till they heard the mom scurry away calling for the father.  

Patrick was crying he was laughing so hard. Pete was rolling on the floor. "Oh my god!" 

"Getupgetupgetupgetup." Patrick said yanking on Pete's arms. "They are coming!!!" 

"Get back closer to the wall so they can hear us," Pete said, and moved against the door. 

When the foot steps returned, Pete let out one long loud needy whine. 

"You are a mess, baby." Patrick said loud enough for them to hear on the other side. 

Pete raised his eyebrows and ventured "Clean it up?" 

Patrick smiled and lifted Pete's shirt and make nasty sucking noises against the skin. It was too funny to even be remotely arousing. 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, loud and violent. "Open up!" The husband barked. 

"Uh, we are kind busy...." Pete said and Patrick moved away from the door and closer to the bed, 

"Well, uh, clean yourselves up, and then come down stairs straight away! Uh, I mean it!" The couple starts to walk away when Patrick starts to "Uh, uh, uh, Pete, god, your mouth," while messing up the sheets even more. 

Faintly you heard the mom's voice full of regret whimper "Stop it please." 

"We are so fucking in for it." Pete said, slapping his face to make it red.

"Really, what are they gonna do?"

*

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for f-slurs sorry

"I expect that you both have your essay done..." the father said. Patrick and Pete were both extremely surprised when they came down and saw the parents looking cool and collected at the dinner table. You could tell they were nervous, though, by little things they were doing, the father tapping his shoe and glancing over his shoulder to see if his own children were up. The mother was discreetly chugging her coffee and pulling on her ponytail.  

The boys looked at each other and realized they completely forgotten their "homework" with all the...events. 

"I see." The mom said shakily but determined. "Uh, how long has this been going on?"

"How long has what been going on, ma'am?" Pete asked innocently. The father's lips pursed. 

"You know exactly what she is talking about, you little shit." he almost under his breath.

"That language is almost ungodly, wouldn't you say, Pattycakes?" Pete says, a smirk on his face.

"Downright ungodly."

"Homosexual fornication is ungodly!" Mother said loudly, gripping her coffee and looking away as if if she looked at the two she would burn in hell for the rest of her life.

Man, the camera crew were  _missing out!_

 Patrick crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair. "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry? Me and Pete won't do anal sex in your house anymore?" The woman's eye twitched. "I'm sorry but you are expecting too much of us. Here is how this is going to go down. We can still do some of the funtivities you have planned, community service, paper mache and horseback riding are all fun, and we will oblige without too much complaint. However, me and Pete will get a room together. We will get some of our stuff back. Including my music."

 

 "Or what little man? What could you possibly do to make us give in to all your ridiculous demands?" The father said, cheeks the color of beets.

Patrick looked at Pete, and beamed. "We can make your life a living hell."

"The two biggest devils you could ever meet in your life."  


End file.
